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2-28-10	Today I was getting things ready to move and I found some old video tapes from when I was married. I tried to figure out what was important to keep and what to throw away. I think it's important for the girls to get these old tapes when they have children of their own to see how life was for them. As I was going through them and it took some time, I realized that I miss being in a comfortable place, miss being loved and loving someone so much that no matter what you won't leave them. I miss the peace in that place and the live feelings that go with it. Jennie, well I did miss her a little but mostly that special feeling you have when your safe, comfortable and in love. Screetch! What the,...!!! Dirty sex tapes? Like 2 hours of Jennie and I getting dirty! Crap! Glad I didn't give those to the girls! Wonder what I will do with those. Anyway... Moving is so liberating. I will be free from this place putting myself into the world completely removed from any resemblance or relevance of my 2nd failed marriage. Lesson learned. Time to evolve and add something else to me. Not another wife, lover or even girlfriend but maybe some of the richness of life in the world. People stay put for many reasons, mine was my children. They are strong and they have the tools they need to make it, but they will stumble and fall like we all do. I am confident they have the will to stand tall again. So I will leave soon. I will tidy up all my affairs here, close accounts first because things are coming for your money anyway, then I will turn off all services and contracts. I still have some things that need to be sold/moved and then there is Bella. My sweet loving tender puppy who will need to be taken in. The kids should have her but their mother won't allow it. I wish I could take her with me but she can't fly w/o papers and I have never taken her to a vet. I know,.. tisk tisk. Don't worry Cathryn she is fine. That sums things up a bit. It's getting easier and easier.


7-26-10	Today is another great day. I've been trying to sell everything I own and slowly it's going. I will be with out the ties of normal everyday things and my freedom on this planet will increase. Not sure why I didn't do it sooner, but I'm happy its happening. Sonja is still in Minnesota and leaving for Oregon soon, visiting with her will be so awesome. After 25 years I get to meet my childhood friends AGAIN?! I mean what are the odds? Soon I will venture to Big Sur, while I'm on my way, and see some of those faces that moved me through life. What an awesome adventure God has given me. Fell in love twice in one lifetime with the same person! Who can say this? Monique/Nikki LeMay how did we get so lucky. Lived as a husband, twice! And loved it. Lived as a father, twice! And love it. My grandmother is still alive. My granddad is still alive. My parents love me. My friends are so great and mostly ladies! How wonderful is my life? Thank you Lord for all of me in this life with you.
7-23-10	Soon I will be moving as many of you already know. This is a temporary move and should be less than 6 months and I have given some of you my new address but feel free to ask. Sonja and Monique/Nikki LeMay will be arriving around the same time so I will be in the new place by then and you're more than welcome to stay. If there are overlapping days we can work it out as we go. The new place has a secret hidden room! Not sure what to use it for but it's there. Chris give me a call.

7-22-10	Happy Birthday Jennie

7-18-10	Today’s rant is about interesting information that you should research yourself and draw your own conclusions..” There has been a great counting of the nation (census) and it's people, soon to follow is a great change." These are words I recall somewhere in the Bible I just can't find the refrence now but you should look yourself instead of taking my word for it. So here are some additional thoughts, GPS for every door, very personal questions and data farming by the agents hired to conduct US census are all a prelude to something big coming. Again do your own researches but I believe we have been catagorized? The public was required to answer all the questions any way they want. I answered 2 important questions truthfully, "How many in the household?” & “Anyone other than yourself living here?" beyond that I took the 5th for everything else and that was my official answer. If you answered all the questions w/o asking any, than you will not be part of the 1st step. If however you put your own questions to them, refused too answer, avoided them all together you will then be very much a part of 1st steps. I may have sealed my fate w/o knowing it. They will remove the threats before dissolving the US. Ooooppppsss! Did you notice on the outside of your US Census mail the "United States" had a registered trademark symbol? Why is the US® trying to protect its title fro anything? "We the people ...” comes to mind. There is also mention in the Bible that the US® could be the great nation who behaves like a sheep. So before you panic and do something stupid and you won't, think carefully, do your homework and be mindful or your actions. For most of the country, including you, the people will say things like it's still a great country compared to the rest of the world, and I ask you this, what do YOU know about the rest of the world? YOU know what your told! Lets start with where do you find your information? What about your news? How do you make your everyday choices for you and your family? I love the internet for info searching. I know you say "The internet! The internet is full of false information!" Well so is the T.V., newspapers and even your friendly misguided neighbor who is trying to help! I say the internet is faster and easier to sift through the bs. Lets say you use the internet too,. and lets say you have a favorite source,.. let me ask you does it end in (dot)com? Have you considered the rest of the world outside of our bubble? Did you know there are several hundred other extensions? You can read news as it's reported in other countries by other countries w/o big money affecting their news! Get started by using dome of these extensions. Have fun opening your mind a little. Update: The Amero is coming alot faster than I originally thought.Soon the 4 unions will be developed very quickly and we will no longer be a free country. These are the 4 unions. North American, European, African and Asian Unions as of now. 2005 a treaty was signed starting the North American Union that consists of Canada, USA and Mexico. See this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOhBmOD71B4&feature=related I know you don't want to hear it, neither did I but, it's all coming together perfectly for those who want it. Snopes listed it. See this as well:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWQmNmQd9rg&feature=related Our days here as we know them are over. From Canada:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjFffxZDF6k&feature=related

7-17-10	To Anjelique I owe a great thank you. You remained my friend w/o contempt after my years of marriage to a woman who jealousy severed our friendship. If she only knew how much I loved her, then our friendship would never had to change. Here we are today like that chapter never happened and as always I trusted you to allow our relationship to endure. I will be leaving soon and I will trust again that we will remain friends. Nearly 18 years strong, we will play in this world again. If you will be in Florida, and I think it will be good for you, with Wes (Wesley world tour 2008) Aden and your Christian, then I will visit you there. I will want to see your family the way my wife should have permitted us to remain friends, just as I know you will not allow Wes to change that. Besides Wes isn't insecure about himself and won't hurt you to feel more comfortable. I'd say you picked a good one. Nice job Anjelique. Always friends. There is something coming around the corner so pay off all your stuff ASAP Crystal I'm so glad your coming! Even if only for a short time together we can get it done. I'm so proud of you. Change is good and helps with perspective.

7-14-10	My friend Cathryn Moore is by far, hands down, with out a doubt, no question about it, indisputably awesome, furthermore if you are lucky enough to know her, then your life has been added to. I thank my lucky stars I've had the capacity to absorb her. Thank you publicly Cathryn Moore for all that you are. I will never forget how you've touched me.

7-12-10	Ah Hah! Today was a terrific day! I went to court today against my sequel wife regarding the Pennsylvania property. How fantastic it went is almost indescribable! Let me start from the start. (lol) Jennie and I were together 10 years and in 10 years we (as a team) were able to create a small empire. When it was at it's peak we owned three rentals and a beautiful home. We went on vacations and we were mostly a great family with some small fixable problems. I struggled with pornography and still do, I struggled with alcohol and still do, but when we were together we made some things happen. Now I wasn't the only person with problems but I don't feel like doing her work for her. She will have to find out what it is for her that she needs to solve. Anyway, so as I said, we did great as a team, slowly growing as a couple. Then in what I considered a peak point in our lives I made a demand in our relationship. I went for the PCT hike and asked her to find counseling for her lack of physical intimacy. I demanded things change or we would have to find another way. Given the choice, she made her decision while I was gone. It was the best choice for me but I never knew it. She decided not to work on those issues and instead chose to change partners! Ah Hah! Now I walk away unscathed and a little wiser than I had ever thought I would. In the start of the end I wanted to hold on and fix it. We did do great together as far as negotiating our finances. We did great as a family, raising my two daughters very well, and to Jennie's credit, she was the best mother they will ever have. They will miss her and at times I will miss the thought of her. So I believed our life’s had value together and didn’t want to move on w/o her. Here's the kicker, and I love this part. Since she asked me to step away from her life, she has now incurred a near 1/2 a million in debt regarding the properties, she lost her case regarding lawyer fees when she should have, and she will have to file bankruptcy/foreclosure or stay put in the Aspen house to ever get back on top. All of this because when we were a team we discussed everything over and over to make the best choice and she is now where she is because we, as a team, did not talk it out and she didn't make the best choice. So she is now worse off because of her decision to divorce then she ever was when we were together. Sure one can argue maybe she is happier w/o you Brendon? I'm sure she is! I know I am! But I did it wisely, I did it free from guilt, I did it w/o hurting her. She on the other hand has to mop up allot more guilt. She knows I tried, she knows we did it better together. Even after she wanted it to end she still wanted me to take care of some things and I won't! I don't have to. I walk away proud for doing the right thing, I walk away w/o debt, and I walk away on my terms instead of hers. All fantastic news for the next chapter.. Oh before I go on, Jennie if you’re reading this, get out of debt quickly and do what ever you can to do it. The U.S. is folding at an alarming rate. You will not be allowed to leave for safer ground if you owe. (What?! It's not like I hate her. I can still wish her well) Ok now where was I,... Ah yes next chapter,... Things are looking up and falling into place. I will be moving into the new place in a short while and the interview in August looks promising. To those of you who are so confident that they will hire me, thanks for your strength. I have never been across the country but Nikki before you move here, I want to see you in your element there. I want to take a summer nap on your grass, I want to hear New York at night, I want to soak in your life there from a couple different angles. Then when I'm done,... we'll see. To my local friends who stayed true friends even when I was married and left you. Beth thanks for the skinny dip! Angel thanks for the big Mount McLoughlin hike, the views were terrific! Shanna I will miss you and our conversations. Oh and your garden looks great! Brian my new friend, please stay well and take care of “my ladies”. Bella Sarah crew, thanks for voting for me. Susan, Oh Susan, I can’t even begain to put into words the many thank you’s I want you to have. You truly are great at being Susan Morgan from Oregon. Jen, you life is always way more interesting than mine! JC Penney friends, I’m saving you for later. I wish I could share so much more here with all of you but I have to wait before I reveal all. Timing is critical and I want it all to go smoothly. For today, phase one is complete.

7-10-10	Wow it's been a month almost! So what to share and what not to share,...Well my children do not want to visit me, my job is at stake, I may be moving soon and I am living like a pig! I am sad, destroyed and nearly broke. How perfect for something? I am here in this space for a reason. Now one could look at it as a "not my fault" kind of thing, or the retro thought process that is plaguing our country that might say, maybe I should take a look at myself? While I might consider both of these options if I was drunk off of today’s TV and meaningless social settings but, rather with a clear mind powered by a nearly healthy soul, thank God, I instead consider this moment perfect. Uncomfortably perfect and in a position to be shaped, pushed around spiritually, and ready to listen. I feel good about the changes coming. Feeling uncomfortably good, I am able to get rid of the things that hold me in place. For the inanimate things it will be easy, stuff comes and goes. Jump ahead to 60 (twenty years away) then do it again! That makes me eighty and more importantly, I've lived half my life! Also look at the nearest 80 yr.old and see what it is that makes them smile,... it's not their stuff. Their legacy, maybe the thing that moves them from day to day, could be larger than we know with what little we do. I spent the first twenty growing physically. I spent the last twenty trying to find love, in women, in family, in children. I will spend the next twenty getting ready for the last twenty. What does this mean? What does it mean for you? For me I am likely evolving just as intended. For the people in my life that I am having trouble letting go of, it will be harder. Those that are wonderful, will keep a piece of me close to them, just as I will feel the holes punched through me like a pain that will not easily go away. Over time all of us will remember the best parts that never fade and few will hold onto the ugly to power them onward. For the family I will remove myself from, it only a pass, a twist, a blip in time. We will be together, all of us, again, hopefully for a wonderful birth, wedding, graduation or some other great chapter. Rouge Valley, I loved you for a time and will miss you always.

6-24-10	It's been 10 days! Where has the time gone? I want a new haircut. Do you think this one will work?

6-14-10	So many things to say but, for today it will be short. Today’s run shed new light on the starter wife and her ideas. She called to say she wanted to change the times for the drop off. I mean after all she just got the schedule in Sep. of 09 and now she can't plan her life at all? Then whe I said no she talked our daughter into asking for the change knowing full well that I won't say no to my daughter. That women is a douche. Well she will have to live with herself not me. I am under the impression she will not be happy until she can raise our little ones to have the same kind of relationship with me as she does with her father. Deep in her heart she is filled with deceit and malice. Her sole efforts are to separate us from one another and then she will be happy if my kids don’t love me. I believe she feels this is the only way to hurt me. Not sure why she chooses to live this way when all it's done is lend a hand to the destruction of her own life. She could have enjoyed things that would ad richness to her life but for some odd reason she likes to be the victim and suffer. I am not hurt by the separation from my children but am instead looking forward to the new things I am about to embark on. Medford was lucky to have me here. I have changed hearts and minds of people who will remain here. My time here is up and I miss the ocean. No amount of money, no woman’s love, no job, no home, no friends, nothing will keep me here for long. I am feeling stronger every day. I will be cleaning things up from the messes I've made and then I will take some time to say goodbye. Then I will have a going away party I will throw myself! LOL. Then I will leave, only to walk quietly pass along the PCT in 2012. Never leaving the trail too long and only to collect my food. Things will come together soon. Thank God I am still breathing..

6-10-10	I know two entries but, they seem ages apart so I am making it separate. I went running this morning and was thinking about life, and my divorce and direction. My divorce was actually liberating. I date a girl for four years because the first attempt at marriage was a necessity to survive while having a child. The second was a necessity to survive being a father. My starter and I were just kids. I was still growing and her upbringing was one of total dysfunction and coming from a much different place than her I was able to make a good run of it that at that time and place no one around her was willing to invest in her. her male friends just used her, and her female friends couldn't relate. Kinda weird how she tried to repeat that w/ Mikayla. A good that she failed. Now my sequel wife was different. Complete opposite but still just kids. I took inventory today while running and I came out pretty good. She now is living with the debt of our union, in a situation she did not ask for, starting a new relationship to do it all over again. When he finds out about the lack of intimacy, the near zero substance and constant repetitive dialoged he will most likely cheat on her and she will be privy to her own design. Unless he is of the same stock. Funny how things work. My daughter got braces, we did do well for property but that can happen to almost anyone, we enjoyed great vacations and she never really added any real substance to us as a team anyway. Sure I will be leaving the daddy role a little early but it will be for their benefit in the long run. If I return it will be to take them away if they want. With so much of the world still available to see and live in, why, WHY of all places would anyone choose to stay in such an undesirable location? There is NO culture. (People here still say, "My friend mike, he's black, works there too.") The economy is dieing. More and more people are tapping the system while sitting back and absorbing it and not contributing. The only real solid thing here is education and that is only as good as it's going to get. The housing,? Nothing here is sustainable, nothing to speak of. People are still buying water in bottles, buying large trucks, bumping their stereos in their cars, getting larger and larger belt sizes, pretending to be green because it's trendy not because they have seen something that changes them. Spiritually, this area is nearly dominated by what seems to be trendy church religion offering low impact efforts to wear the title Christian but still act like idiots of the world. If you love God, clean up your act, the world, your own heart and you fat oversized body because it’s now or never. We are a few glitches from the end of this ride and America looks like it will be first to go. Did I piss you off? Good. Do something about it. I don't mean ride your bike to work or skip McDonalds. Join something! Fix it. Slow down the destruction of your world instead of hiding. Ask the Rouge Disposal and Recycling where you trash goes. Call the Water Reclamation Facility(541-774-2750) in Medford and find out about the water you drink. Don't just tell your neighbor you finally bought the cool energy saver light bulbs. Teach yourself about solar. Build a small charging system for all your "needed" stuff like Cell phones, laptops, cameras, Ipods, and whatever else you can't live with out. Stop, STOP STOP using plastic bags for your groceries now! I know you’re so proud of your fancy recycled bag you bought but did you ever consider when you buy those bags, made in China you're still not helping your home! Paper bags already in the store ARE recyclable and provide JOBS here, NOT China. I am so pissed to be living amongst such narrow minded, self absorbed, oversized, self inflated and overly obsessed over stuff, humans that I am ashamed of my own humanity. If you don't STOP and look around you, it will end. It's time for all of us to manage ourselves better. You think the large company's run the show, they don't! You do. Every time you buy out of convenience, you fuel your own demise. Try this for a year, go to your grocery store and ask three employees EVERY time for locally grown organic foods. Then go through the check stand and point out that you DID NOT find everything you were looking for. Mention the lack of LOCAL organics. Now that is so simple even a cave man can do it. With in a year’s time you will see a change in your store. Now apply that to everyday, everywhere and all you do to start to see change. You say a year is too long? You say it's not really your thing? Well you’re right. We don't have a year left. It will be over before then but I say, if you start that motion now, others will follow. I also say if you feel the return of your efforts than others will stand exponentially by you and this will grow so fast that in less than a year we could start on the repair of our society, all because you cared enough to give it some thought outside of the "YOU" where you live most of the time. So get moving. Don't talk smack instead promote your own healthy planet. Now!

6-10-10	This is a short message to Dawn Nightshade,.... Your Garden video is here but know this,... it will take a while to download. You've seen it but now you can own it. I can't believe we shot this back in June of 09?! Life has so evolved in so many areas and stood still in others. Enjoy it Dawn. It took about 15 min. for me to download it. Send me another email if there is trouble.

6-9-10	Today is a day off and I am trying to sell my bowflex. I never really use it anymore so, off it goes. Bella has started bleeding so soon I will see if anyone is interested in breeding her, I know I know, calm down. I'll make sure it's all good. My strawberries, basil, tomatoes and pumpkins are taking off! Yea spring, if we can call it that. Oh and here is the coolest thing ever, I'm pretty sure it was Tue. but it could have been today, I saw Jennies new boyfriend whipping her car through the corner near Winco. I didn't know who was driving by Jennie never drives that fast so I kept going to see who might be driving the car. It looked like some red headed guy and, this is the best part, he was trying to catch up to a black Honda. So I was curious who might be driving down riverside in a black Honda that caused him to speed up. It was some girl! So I know something she doesn't know about her new guy. He is a skirt chaser when she isn't with him I guess and it serves her right. Enjoy your choices Jennie.

6-8-10	Hey brendons.com followers, soon I will be turning off brendons.com, forever. It’s been a great 6 years on line but it's time to move on. I will be shifting all my email to my spam email for 3 months I will sift it and save those of you who need saving. Soon those of you worth saving will be given my gmail address. If you already have my gmail address, then please use that one. brendon at brendons.com will cease to exist. I am sorry to have to do things that way but I want to round up those people nearest me. If you have my face book then use that also. I will be phasing out all on-line media over the course of the next 2 years. In addition I will cancel my cell phone too. I am sorry for the inconvenience it may cause some of you. Feel free to ask questions, call or use snail mail.

6-7-10	Today was a good day. Started off with a three mile run finished in 23 min. and felt strong. Visited with a friend who made me lunch before going to work where I had a busy day with a full book of clients. The two young kids who wanted bang trim were my favorite. They enjoyed the experience to the utmost. They didn't try to hide their satisfaction with a layer of coolness; they just said it like it is, "I love my hair." Simplicity rules. They way we should all live. Stop pretending to be polite and if you feel like just saying something say it. I am not partially hydrogenated any more. I think I am realizing something changing in me. Lets think for an instant that the food you consume has affects on you body AND mind. Let's assume that the mind, that controls the body, is influenced by food choice. Simple right? Now let’s expand this into our daily life. If we know the effects of foods then we can choose to allow some affects to affect us and others to avoid. (Brendon keep it simple) Ok. I'm good with analogies so let’s try something. Even the idiot knows caffeine can give you a shot of unstable, short lived, quick, hollow energy with no lasting effect but, they do it anyway because as far as they know they are ok with the terms of that agreement. Let's just say that the high is more sought after than the lows of caffeine. Now if you knew that caffeine would actually shorten your life in a ton of different ways then just then your brain did something. The very second you read that your mind protected you and you classified caffeine as a drug. Bingo! Now this gets good, stay close. When you make that quick association from food you consume to "yes it's a drug" You are almost required to know less. I say hold your self to something better and force yourself to understand more about it. Because caffeine is a part of your life, you can't help but to quickly flip flop your thought. I say do not consume caffeine for a lengthy period, and do some physical exercise the moment you think you need your "drug" and then after a month, read this again to here.(continue after a month only) Now that you are able to pace your thoughts and clearly think for your self, try this on, all foods we consume need to be looked at closely and with the same understanding you now have for caffeine. Some come with a price, some layer in your system to promote healthy brains as well as healthy bodies. Avoid alcohol if you can. I myself enjoy the liberation it provides but I am also overlooking the cost to my being/all of me. Oh and just for me, ask three employees EVERY TIME you go shopping, if their store is planning to do away with plastic bags, if they say yes, ask them for a firm date. I always suggest a deadline too. Make it fun and say by the end of the year please or you will find a new place to shop. Say it with a real sincere smile and watch us change this world.

6-4-10	What would you do if you discovered secrets about plastic? What would you do to protect the human race if you discovered that plastics contain agents that are completely responsible for the wide range of diseases and the completely random varied degrees of disease's that afflict the population today? Even stranger questions come to mind but I won't try to scare you, instead you should discover for your self some of these things but here is your freebie, have you ever seen people of power that run this country eat the same foods you do, in the same packaging you do? Next time your shopping, try to find food for your family that is not in plastic.

6-3-10	Just finished a 2 1/2 mile run. Going to do two weeks of those then I will amp it up some more. I miss the days when I was running 10 miles three times a week. Soon enough. So I have been eating good, running more and staying away from the ladies. Life is good. It's the reading i hate doing. I am almost ready bring my children back for awhile. They are doing fine but I am really missing them. With the fight with Jennie over land and money not bothering me anymore, I am starting to seee value in my life again. In nearly 5-6 years I will be leaving the area. I have discovered a few places on earth I want to visit and see. My children are welcome to come with me if they like but I would rather they go to college. If things work out for some of my plans I will be able to help and pay for them as they are four years apart! Phew! Their mother owes Mikayla 3,000$ so that should help start her up. I owe them both a total of 5,000$! More inspiration to respond quickly. So now that the divorce is under me and soon the property will be resolved, It's time to start with some changes, and all this while the U.S. is toppling around us.

6-1-10	Be sure to read the sentence all the way at the end, to really understand the suggested laws! This is very interesting and if Arizona can do it, why can't the rest of America ? MEXICO IS ANGRY ! Three cheers for Arizona The shoe is on the other foot and the Mexicans from the State of Sonora, Mexico doesn't like it. Can you believe the nerve of these people? It's almost funny. The State of Sonora is angry at the influx of Mexicans into Mexico . Nine state legislators from the Mexican State of Sonora traveled to Tucson to complain about Arizona's new employer crackdown on illegals from Mexico . It seems that many Mexican illegals are returning to their hometowns and the officials in the Sonora state government are ticked off. A delegation of nine state legislators from Sonora was in Tucson on Tuesday to state that Arizona's new Employer Sanctions Law will have a devastating effect on the Mexican state. At a news conference, the legislators said that Sonora, - Arizona's southern neighbor, - made up of mostly small towns, - cannot handle the demand for housing, jobs and schools that it will face as Mexican workers return to their hometowns from the USA without jobs or money. The Arizona law, which took effect Jan. 1, punishes Arizona employers who knowingly hire individuals without valid legal documents to work in the United States . Penalties include suspension of, or loss of, their business license. The Mexican legislators are angry because their own citizens are returning to their hometowns, placing a burden on THEIR state government. 'How can Arizona pass a law like this?' asked Mexican Rep Leticia Amparano-Gamez, who represents Nogales 'There is not one person living in Sonora who does not have a friend or relative working in Arizona ,' she said, speaking in Spanish. 'Mexico is not prepared for this, for the tremendous problems it will face as more and more Mexicans working in Arizona and who were sending money to their families return to their home-towns in Sonora without jobs,' she said. 'We are one family, socially and economically,' she said of the people of Sonora and Arizona . Wrong! The United States is a sovereign nation, not a subsidiary of Mexico , and its taxpayers are not responsible for the welfare of Mexico's citizens. It's time for the Mexican government, and its citizens, to stop feeding parasitically off the United States and to start taking care of its/their own needs. Too bad that other states within the USA don't pass a law just like that passed by Arizona . Maybe that's the answer, since our own Congress will do nothing! New Immigration Laws: Read to the bottom or you will miss the message... 1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools. 2. All ballots will be in this nation's language.. 3.. All government business will be conducted in our language. 4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here. 5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office 6 Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs. Any burden will be deported. 7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage. 8. If foreigners come here and buy land... options will be restricted. Certain parcels including waterfront property are reserved for citizens naturally born into this country. 9. Foreigners may have no protests; no demonstrations, no waving of a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies. These will lead to deportation. 10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted and when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All assets will be taken from you. Too strict ? The above laws are current immigration laws of MEXICO!

5-29-10	Goodbye America it has been fun.

5-28-10	Today is a funky day again. I'm not feeling very good with some kind of stomach bug. I have had some time in bed to look at old PCT videos and reflect. I have decided, I will try the PCT in it's entirety in the year 2012 before the world ends. I will not have to worry about a cheating wife, a crazy X-wife (she has mellowed but you never know) and I will not be trying to make plans with people who can't go. I will plan it myself, and do it in 6 months not 4. I will be making plans from now until then and set aside monies to do it right this time. Dad don't worry, you don't have to go with me this time. I'll be 41 and I hope in good shape. Instead of planning one year I will have two. I'll fly to SoCal instead of driving, I'll take 200$ each town stop instead of 50$, I'll pack one pair of shoes instead of 2, I'll carry less water through the sierra’s, I'll shoot less video and do more walking, I'll still hike Whitney but with someone instead of alone in the middle of a storm, and WHEN I get to Canada I'll stay a week! That's the plan for now. Additional Points of interest- Today in my daughters old phone I discovered my name and number listed as Brendon's an ass and she had that listed that way long before the great divide! Nice Mikayla. Also I finally discovered a new technique for quieting the neighbor’s dog. So simple and why I didn't think of it till now blows my mind. My neighbor’s dog will bark all day and night so I have gone to the local goodwill and bought some ladies shoes that were so very cheap yet very hard soled and right before bed time i throw one of the two shoes over the fence. The dog will chew on it for hours and then I get to sleep. Genius I tell you!

5-25-10

5-23-10	Oh it's Sunday! Another week starts up soon and it will bring goodness. I will work hard to speed my running pace but still running only one mile. Still avoiding drinking and facing my feelings. Growth is inevitable in me just as my smile keeps coming. I look around at the world and wonder how is it that we have reached this point. The meare evelution of things is odd. Some people in my life have begun to fade away while others take their place. Almost like a kaliedascope of images, people, emotions and events. Notice how "things" has been deliberatly left out of the catagory. I think within the next 5 years I will plot to attack the Pacific Crest Trail yet again. Only this time I will do it w/o a lady waiting. They can't anyway.

5-21-10	Finally I am getting around to cleaning up my daughters room. They haven't been back for a while and when Madyson came I enjoyed her company. Madyson and I are very similar while Mikayla is very different. She actually said she was humiliated by me, after she brought trouble to my work in the form of her boyfriend who I never approved of. My daughter thought that boy would make her happy when she is a wonderful person without him. I just wished she knew it.She actually blames me for her trouble but I am used to it. Her mother has done the same thing for years. As if it was ever my fault she had sex with another guy and her life went the way it did. Laurie I forgave you for that ages ago and Mikayla I forgive you for your choices. Holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I will have moved on and continue to have fun and enjoy my life and soon I will be leaving the area. For my starter wife to train and teach her children to hate or hold anger in their young little hearts is to send them into the world w/o any shoes. Their foundation in all they do will be weak and topple over and that is exactly what she wants. Like her mother before her. If life is to tough to go at it by yourself then maybe if your children come back to live with you then you won't be alone. It's sick and twisted I know but alot easier than actually encouraging growth in your child. I am proud of where I came from and will return to my parents again one day but it will only be after I am a man. I am not that man yet. There is much to do and many places to see first. Suscess is not measured in the value of things or cash but will be measured after I am gone. When I am no longer here what will they say, what kind of people will my children bring into the world and call their own?


5-20-10	The running daily seems to be working. Every day for one mile at a fairly quick pace for two weeks then I will switch back to three times a week and add mileage every two weeks to progressively return to marathon distance. I do not have any marathons planned as of yet but I will be ready soon. The working out is going well too but I will not be doing P90X before and after’s. The job search is rough but the alcohol doesn't seem to be a problem. Oh and dating, has been all over the place. I have had several dates with 20 something’s and a few dates my own age. So far it seems all of them put on a good show and have a smooth walk but all I see is desperate attempts.(except for Cathryn) Everyone says they are "green" but it's only a habit to say it. I want to date very casually and stay away from anything too serious anyway. Oh and this is weird, I have been bumping into people who have dealt w/ my sequel in her work capacity and they are now compelled to share all this random information that would have been useful before. I don't care about that stuff anymore but this made me smile in the middle of Winco. They all call her 'Jennie needs to Shave' even after she changed her name back to her maiden name. I laughed quietly. It's odd how the very things I embraced about her are now the same things that make me chuckle. Really people I don't care any more but if it helps you to share then feel free but don't be surprised if I don't respond how you think I should. Nikki LeMay is in Costa Rica enjoying herself and rubbing it in. Pura Vida Nikki! I want photos and some of your first batch of raw chocolate. Happy Birthday Mom. I love you and hope to see you soon. I'm still into the micro house idea but have you seen the earthship guy? This is worth looking into. A complete sustainable living space! Grow your own food and clean your own water! American's in general have no idea how clean up after them selves and would be tramatized if they had to grow their own food. Most American's would fight to avoid using grey water! Spoiled children! There is zero mention of our great nation in the Bible so what does that mean...?


5-18-10	Another sober kick started. This will be a time to regain myself again. Trust, expect and rest. This is great advice in the right text. I will start running again, working out again, and reading daily. I noticed a strange thing yesterday. My X brought her family to court. The only family, besides my Grandad, I had here sat across the court room from me w/o so much as a hello. I had excpected so much more from people like that. I knew them to have character with sound morals and principals. I loved them because I trusted them and knew they would never hurt me. Must have been hard for them too. They must sit with her if they had to come, but they could have tought her lessons by saying hello and being friendly. Her fathers letters over the years to the family brought tears of happyness to my eyes every time. I was proud to be a part of them. Thank you Gibsons for a wonderful time. Enjoy your family while you have the chance. I wish you all well, even you Jennie, and be healthy.


5-12-10	What kind of person promotes discontent in their own child? What kind of woman suggestively causes doubt in the mind of their OWN child? A hurt and injured one. My starter wife must be so hurt and sad and wants her daughter to feel that pain. My starter has quite easily engaged her children in the suffering she has undergone for decades. Now my oldest daughter is blaming me for her mistakes too. Soon I will not be on this earth and then the pain should subside but unless their is some healing soon years of harboring such pain will manifest in the form of some cancer and destroy that malice from her lips. Good luck to those who choose to hate. Good luck to those who minipulate and destorte to comfort their reality. Oregon has been strange and wonderful. I thank God I was able to have children. I thank God for keeping them safe as I have prayed. Now their time has come to change the world and to soon repeat the process. Jennie I changed my mind.

5-5-10	Oh how it would be great if people why be real and say who they are in their actions. I loved a few, enjoyed many and will explore more but I feel as if I have been wronged and arrogent and solid but non supportive. I remember the effects of her long after she is gone. I love her deeper after she is gone. My Lord will embrace me richer than all of earth soon.

5-3-10	Again I am feeling this heavy sadness in my heart. Lonely, defeated and hopeless with no strength to seek something new I almost want to quit. I have just reached a low point and I'm sure I will come out of it a better person but this very now feels bad. I have nothing of any value to ad to anything. Looking around at my life I see mistakes and carelessness. I feel as if I am good at nothing and today I will put a smile on, change my perspective yet again, and fake it. Like always. I need to do something to change things around I just don't know what I will change. Seems I am in a holding pattern. Seems I am waiting for something to adjust before I make a huge change. I dream of learning another language, visiting another culture, making a difference to someone somewhere. I'm sad and sorry. How can people just open their hearts and then close them so tight to a person who knows them so well. Must be a close feeling to that God might feel when people turn from Him. Ouch. As long as things are going good then they will stay and perform, but when it's not working anymore, they stop performing and move on. As if to say, it's not worth it. What a throw away mentality that is plaguing our once great America. Try doing the hard thing. Try facing your challenges. Try earning the joy in life instead of taking it from people and things. Today I will try something uncomfortable. Today I will confess something I don't like about myself. Today I will take a risk. Today I will try to grow. Today is now.

4-16-10	Going to try to sell my bus today! I thought it would sting a bit more but it's not even fazing me. Weird how growth moves you in directions unexpected. I was sad at first when Mikayla decided to move out but perspective has helped me see things differently. She was on a path leading her to teenage pregnancy with a total douche. Austin now that you're 18 I invite you to try your luck again with me. I'm ready when you are. Mikayla was sad about her being too far from him and realized what a jack ass he really is. He and she fought and their "love life" couldn't handle a brief long distance encounter. As for her mother, this was the perfect time for me to make that sacrifice because it's the first time ever, EVER that she has her life together enough to handle this. I care for Mikayla so much and I always want what’s best for her even if that means loosing her for a season. I haven't lost her forever and she will want to be with me again. Madyson's cards are different. She is by far, smarter and better equipped for life and will leave the small minded world she lives in now for a more challenging venture that will force her to grow and bloom into a wonderful woman unlike any of her role models now. I am far less worried about her.

4-15-10 Monique	Once again I am writing to share my world. Thanks for your questions. I will try to answer you Stephanie. First your link- http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=sgm&id=1184831818- It was so nice to see you and spend a night on the town. I hope you see Medford again but I know it's not likely. I WILL come to visit you some day just don't know when that will be just yet. Monique I want to join you in Costa Rica for the raw food class (Food Democracy) but I'm not sure of that either. I will be working as much as possible and as many jobs as possible to save up for a few things, Madyson needs braces, I want to see Greece for my 40th birthday, and I need to build a Micro House in Big Sur so I will be busy till summer 2011! Oh and Jennie if you're visiting my site,... grow a set and learn how to communicate. I can't work with you if you don't want to work with me. You should be able to talk like grown-ups by now.

4-14-10

4-4-10	Happy Easter

4-3-10	Tonight is the night before Easter. I had a good day with the kids. We ate healty, exercised our brains at science works in Ashland, played with bunnies, took naps, had dinner and watched pay it forward. All and all we had a good day. Up early tomorrow for a 7 mile run and Easter Sunday church! I haven't been since I was married. I actually cried today because I am divorced. My heart was sad and my throat was thick. I wish I was needed, I wish I was loved, I want to belong. I actually spent some time today remembering when my sequel found our first apartment. She was very good at finding a good deal. If you gave her some parrameters and guidelines she would come back with results. She was good. She was decent. Then she met me. LOL. I tried to make it work between us but it wasn't ment to be. I need more intelectual and stimulating conversations than she could provide anyway. She and her boyfriend are a perfect match. I'm glad she is happy. It is weird how a woman can so easily disconnect. Wish I could. I have a ton of updates coming. Since I left for Denver my site was cut off by the server. I will release the updates in large chunks to bring my followers up to speed.

3-16-10	Profound differences in parenting skills. If I were a betting man, and I am not, then my money is on me! Another thing I hear alot of is the phrase, "To be honest with you..." Really? Just now? As if it was time to come clean or everything else has been bullshit until this moment? Did you know "To be honest with you,..." is a slight modification of "To be frank,..." which is slightly different and means to be straight forward with out putting it nicely. I know generations of people with inferior education have led to a confusion of straight forward to actually mean honesty. How messy our language has become. Word without meaning now have a place in our communication and meanings that ment something now have to be watered down to cushion the blow. I say to hell with it. I will say what I mean and mean so much of what I say.

3-14-10	So today? Boring really, no calls from the kids but each parent phoned me up! Work was routine and uneventful but Savannah; she was great to talk to. Thanks Savannah for spending time with me. Getting ready for my trip! Can't wait. Very exciting things are soon to come. The sequel wife has also shed a little light; she can only mimic actions of others. Weird how I never picked up on that before... we are trying to find a way to minimize all the damage she has done and by "we" I mean I am, and by "all the damage" I really mean the shit she forgot to figure out when she wanted a divorce. Bella is getting "normal" again. Yea Bella! Oh Anjel thanks for playing with Bella and I'm glad to see you have all your teeth! LOL. Shanna thanks for the saki and don't forget Beth paid! You guys are true friends no matter what. Not sure if I would want to leave the valley. ;o(

3-13-10	8 Reasons to get up early! 1. Work on yourself Early morning is an excellent time for personal development. How many times have you complained you don’t have time to read that self-improvement book? Read it in the morning! Quiet morning time is a God sent gift which you should use for growing yourself – professionally, emotionally, phisically, mentally and spiritually. Use this time to “sharpen the saw”. 2. Exercise your body Exercise at home, go jogging or go to gym (they open early)… 3. Get ready for big stuff Clean up small stuff to take it from your way to big things you plan to do during the day. Jump on that bunch of emails sitting in your inbox so it doesn’t drag your attention later in the day. 4. Increase your productivity If you start early, you make your day longer, you can do much more in one day than you usually do. Got a lot of work pressing on you? Wake up earlier, jump to work, you may be done by the afternoon… 5. Use morning time for thinking Jim Citrin wrote: “The quiet of the morning is often the time when your mind is at its clearest and most well-suited to solving important problems”. Read his article Tapping the Power of Your Morning Routine to get more insight on how valuable morning time can be. In the same article Jim reports that 80% of executives he questioned wake up at 5:30am or earlier. 6. Go with the nature The nature wakes up every day when the sun goes up. So should you because your body is a part of the nature! Of course it depends at what time sun goes up in your area (in some areas, it doesn’t go down for half a year , but you get it… 7. Medidate Meditation induces well-being and emotional balance. If you start your day with meditation you will carry that balance through the day, improving your life. Morning is a better time for meditation because you are fresh, your brain is relaxed and mind is much sharper. 8. Beat the traffic If you spend too much time commuting to and from work every day, you can actually save time if you wake up and drive to work earlier. Even if you work fixed hours, by arriving to work earlier you can spend the extra time you’ve got on things listed above – reading, exercising, planning, and so on. It’s free time for you, which otherwise you would waste in traffic jams.

3-11-10	Geez so much has happened... Came back from Eugene today and visited my cousin and my friend Annie. Eugene looks like a fun place and I may move there. We'll see. I like the green efforts in Eugene but most importantly it's time to start living again soon. See the world and travel more, that is what I want. I want the girls to join me but I will understand if they do not want to. I won't leave the country for at least 6 years but it's getting so much closer!

3-5-10 cafemediterranean.net	So it's March and as you can tell St. Patty's day is coming! What will you do for St. Patty's Day? Send me an email and let me know. mrbrendons@yahoo.com I have returned from the coast with Savannah and the trip was good. We took the dogs and played in the waves. Bella wasn't much into it but Zeus was loving it. We also ate at the Cafe Mediterranean and the food was great. People of Coos Bay have no idea what they miss everytime the drive thru McDonalds. Napoleon would say "Idiots". The prices were good the food was good and the staff did an excellent job! We also went to comedy night at the Mill Casino and it was ok. Not great at all but ok. The first guy (no names) sucked. Bad. Second guy had talent, more musically than comedy but he did well. Next road trip should be Texas! One word,...Schlitterbahn! Still waiting to hear how Yeni's court battle is going to turn out. She has been waiting 3 years for either product or money returned from Creations on Wheels. They came out with video cameras rolling when we tried to pick up a "new" canopy that had never been used but then pointed out the damage to the canopy and they said nothing. They lie and sell inferior product! DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH THEM!

2-28-10	Madyson, it was fun! Oh Nikki how I love our talks that never really are chit chats. Radical Honesty by Bradd Blanton....... Update: just sprayed myself in the eye with Tough Actin'® Tinactin®!

2-25-10	So where do I begin? It's been ten days but feels like a month. Well my trip to Carmel was great! On the way down the bus handled like a dream. Cruising 75 mph the entire way! Hills were no problem really. On the way home however, that couldn't be any crazier. So I smashed into a car on I80 and destroyed her tail light, bumper, fender and entire corner panel of her brand new Ford Exploder! She said she hardly noticed that I hit her, but that's what new cars are designed to do. My bus suffered a scar with her solid metal exterior but gave me a swift headache for a few hours. Ouch. Then 3 1/2 hours outside of Medford the bus broke down. Her belt broke and she came to rest on "Road 27" at 10 o'clock at night. Thank God for Savannah! Shanna would have come too but I opted not to disrupt her family. Savannah made it there in record time and I was at home and in bed by 5 am. Thank you Savannah for everything. Get this. I wake before work and rent a car dolly then go to work with the dolly attached to the Rodeo, leave Medford at 9 pm after working all day with only a few hours of sleep, arrive at "Road 27" around 12:30 am. and realize I have no real safe way to load the bus onto the car dolly! Shit! So I park the Rodeo and the dolly about 200 ft away and start pushing. Remember its pitch black out and if you have never been to the exit "Road 27" then you can't really grasp the oddity and queerness of the entire event. No gas stations, traffic, or even street lights! So envision me running along side of my bus, in dress slacks and dress shoes from work, slight drizzle making everything slick and difficult, pushing and running and pushing and running gaining enough speed to push the bus fast enough to launch it up these short and high angled ramps to hopefully jump into the bus at the last second. I am terrified I will slip, fall and send my bus ghost riding off the ramp and into the back of my Rodeo smashing both cars on the side of the road, in the middle of the night! My dexterity and athleticism pays off and like a well planned (which it was NOT) choreographed event, I make a little hop into the drivers seat at just the last second and ride this huge box of metal hurling into the air right up the ramp and into position! Almost! Damn! So close. As this is a onetime shot, due in part to the slight downhill but mostly because I have nothing left to push, the bus falls short of the wheel well on the dolly designed to keep it safe in transport. Now what? The weight of the bus is too great to adjust it. So I decide to wratch it down anyway and drive in figure 8's in the dark on "Road 27" a few times to see if it will right it's self. It did! I proudly stand back after all final checks are in place and study my ingenuity and clever risk taking behavior, pee where I stand, and whistle and yell as if I have just achieved the near impossible in the dark with out tools! Go me. Then I get to Medford at 8 am and the slow realization in front of the closed mechanics shop begins to stir and sting a bit. You see I now have to get the bus OFF the dolly and I have a deadline. The dolly is due back in 1 hr. my mechanic takes Sunday off and the bus is stuck on the dolly. I won't go into all the details of the creative ways I tried to safely remove the bus from the dolly and instead I will just skip ahead to the most dangerous part yet. I untied, loosen and all but freed the bus from her crutches, then slowly in reverse backed everything up for about 20 ft. or so and SLAMMED THE BREAKS! That's right. The bus flew from her snare and ran down the street with her new found freedom. Reckless abandon was wonderful. It was beautiful to watch. Before she jumped she looked surprised and I could tell. Everything on her dashboard jumped for joy all at once! Everything was slightly air borne for an instant. She was surprised. Then she blazed down the street at nearly 5 mph. She was so elated that she didn't care where she was going; she was just going, freely! Directly in her path was a large store front window that would offer almost no resistance. When this all happens in a matter of seconds, you begin to realize her freedom is going to cost you. In one single fluid motion, yours truly, negotiated brakes of the towing vehicle, power locks and exit, and begin a terrifying neck breaking sprint with wind in the hair and a dress shoe, yes one, left behind in an effort to reel in the new freedom my bus had found. Swiftly she challenged me but I was able to overtake her and calm her down. She came to rest just 3 - 4 ft. in front of the giant floor to ceiling window that had the bus made it thru the window, would have surely made sounds slightly resembling applause expressed by the windows freedom from that daily position against wind and rain. Fortunate for me there will be no applause or crashing of windows that Sunday. The bus is safely calm, the window intact, the dolly returned by the deadline and I return to work for a Sunday shift that with out the hair raising adventure, would have blend into the day before because there was no sleep for the entire time. So if you called Sunday night, that's why you got my voice mail. Thank you mom for the good times, Thank you Nikki for you thoughts and time well spent, Sophia and Lajla thank you for sharing your mother and your jump into the air! Savannah,...Oh I thank you for saving me. Carmel, I will see you again soon, we are not finished yet.

2-15-10	What an unbelievable Valentines Day. One year ago my then wife (a.k.a. sequel wife) didn't even know it was Valentines Day and fled to Washington D.C. instead of coming clean and talking it out. Maybe she was already sleeping with him but I did love her then. Now, I am learning to forget her and Savannah has been a big help. Savannah, Lunch was great, the mall was even better! Those are great jeans and you look very nice in them. The furniture store was fun and Chuck will never be the same. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sleep well sweetie.

2-14-10	When will she grow up? My starter wife is playing games again with our children like she did so many years ago. She is permitting our 16 yr. old daughter to sleep overnight with an 18 yr. old man just to try to make me mad. My how she will never get it. I have always known she is always out for herself and shows how little she cares about our girls. Build a bridge and get over it. She owes me 6 grand but I would rather let it go so I can avoid dealing with her virus. She thinks she has gotten away with it but truly, she has never learned her lesson. Still smoking, drinking and sleeping around at her age is not flattering for anyone. Filed bankruptcy twice and lost everything because of careless living, she is durably shallow and spiritually starved. A self destruct policy at best. Strange world we live in where people live for the now instaed of the long term. Make a difference in one person's life and live forever. One year ago today my sequel wife left for Washington D.C. so she said but really she left long before Valentines Day. Am I bitter? Sure maybe. You might be also if you lost everything you knew that made you who you were, everything you loved, everything that felt like the goodness in the world that is full of people like my starter. Hungry for distruction, selfish, disrespectful and full of wrath and anger. Happy Valentines Day Brendon. Enjoy the changes and the evolution of your soul. Feel sympathetic for those who do not? I will try. Feel compasion for those who can not? I will try. Some days are tougher than others but soon, it will change, soon I will change, not with money as others have tried, but internally. Starting with humility I will say goodbye to the things I am good at. They say change is good.

2-12-10	Today I go to court for Yeni and she will win!

2-11-10	Today is rough. This morning I woke at 4:30 and felt heavy. I am very lonely and sad today. I miss my daughters so much. I miss the idea of being married. I don't miss either wife at all but I am confused why I believe there would ever be a loyal woman. All of them I have met in my 39 years have all lied to their friends, or to me. My starter even lied about the price of her wedding dress, to her father! My sequel lied to my children about her level of commitment. I have some how been taught that there would be real people who could be honest and that I needed to find that kind of woman. Thus far none of anything has gone as planned. I had children before I was married, married two women who couldn't stay loyal, had children I can not raise, live in a place on the planet I am neither good for nor is good for me, I have an on going struggle with alcohol and porn, and a out of date education in an industry that is no longer of interest to me. I am in a very tough place today. Life can not be all up's. I thank you Lord for these challenges.

2-9-10	Oh life is strange. With the country's economy collapsing around us, Americans will be the last to know. The world is aware while we still sleep, fattened by our protectors and ready for slaughter. These seem to be uncertain times but reality is very certain. America, the United States of America has come to an end. Not by terrorism, but by the leaders we elected who have raped her and taken that which made her strong. The sheople will be confused running this way and that way, some have fled America already to places like Asia and Japan. I will stay with my children and lay down my life for them when the time is right. I thank God that I am debt free and have no way for them to hold me. I am a survivalist and will be content living such but will miss the things I am borrowing now. I will adapt and evolve when the time is right but love my girls always. Something like this.

2-8-10	See you soon, remember this. Seems like ages ago.

2-3-10	Wish me luck 4th attempt for lending with only one job. I'm sure it's no but one can hope. Mikayla sent mail! I love that kid. Way to go Mikayla. Crystal-Thanks.

2-1-10	New developments,... Few weeks ago I suffered a knee injury thought to be temporary that has yet to feel good since. This will cancel my LA Marathon attempt. Bummer. I will try again when it feels better. My daughter has moved back to her moms because she didn't like my rules. She loves a boy who threatened her father, must be a bit of a pickle for her. I’m about to also loose the place where I live too. The sequel wife isn't satisfied until I am completely destroyed. Saw the AVITAR movie with my youngest (who still loves me currently) and we both just loved that film. Oh so I see the X doing her bar sweep routine with her co-workers last Sat. and I got a glance at who she really is in a matter of seconds. I never realized it until now but she is a follower. She will do what ever someone else tells her. I remembered early in my relationship with her, she sent off to stuff envelopes from one of those scammer ads. She did this on her own w/o any outside influence. She was bummed when she realized she had been ripped off. We had a friend named Jessie while we were married and Jennie used to mimic her all the time. She said she despised her for divorcing her husband over little more than a lack of interest. She felt the same way about her sister's divorce, her friend Amy's break-up and often talked about similar failures. Then she ultimately followed the same path. She will always mimic that which she adores and for Jennie that will always be someone or something else. If only she could see the Jennie we used to see. My daughter Madyson who still loved Jennie very much was with me last Saturday night and wanted Jennie to see her. She wanted Jennie to wave to her. She was sad when Jennie just turned her back. We all know she is a grown woman but neither of us expected her to act so childish. New rule: Never date a woman with out children. They can not understand the level of commitment needed to rise above your own garbage in order to show love for the children in your heart. The solar air heater is coming along well. I have discovered this handy can opener that opens the can's sideways and softens the edges. I am at about 40 cans and still need some 120 more cans. It should be ready by March I hope. By then the weather will have changed and it may not be needed. Such as life. Work is good. Ben and Tiffany have returned. I love those guys so much. Tiffany’s haircut looks great! Ben congrats on the new job! I will stop by soon. Mom, glad you survived. Scary place but you have a mountain top strong hold that will be there when the sun shines again. Gardens will grow again, breeze will return to gentle and the waves from below will be heard again. I love you Mom. Crystal, come if you like. Things are in the air right now and shift may take place soon. The sequel has sent me hate mail from a lawyer so I am not sure what she is trying to do but I may be forced to move soon. If you want to wait awhile I will know more in a few months. Love you. Dad, sorry I won't be there for March. Love you too.

1-19-10	In just a few days things have changed several times. Mikayla has run away and claims she was kicked out. She spent the night at her boyfriend’s house. Huge No No and what kind of parent allows this? What kind of family are they really? Wait till you hear this nugget. Her boyfriend threatens to kick my ass! Bring it on Austin. Your 18 on the 25! Free game sport. Then Mikayla is moving to her mothers. This time for sure she says. I finally agree. That's best Mikayla. Mikayla if you can’t live in my house under my rules, then it's time to go. We both agree she's moving on her own free will and NOT getting kicked out. Don't want more confusion so we cleared it up completely. That was the 17th. Then on last night she says well maybe there is a way to finish the school year here if I go live in a teen help center? Like a half way house ... This gets me thinking. This might actually help her to get the tools needed to work in a place like that. I want her to grow-up successful. No I don't mean making lots of money. I mean feeling confident, useful, productive and a working piece of the puzzle and happy. Money is great but it's bad too. I want her to be able to rise to the occasion at anytime. I want her to be ever evolving. I want her to make great mistakes that she will learn from and be stronger smarter and aware. I want her to know I will love her no matter what happens. I want her to know I will always love her and take a bullet for her anytime. I will love her forever. Good luck Mikayla! Ben and Tiffany are back! I just love those guys. We should do something together. Get the kids together too and do something fun.

1-14-10	Today is my birthday! Feels like a day older. Today thus far has been uneventful except the unexpected surprise Mikayla did for me. What a pleasant girl. I cried when I saw the card. she put so much work into it and it shows. The X wife is building steam and has shared the posting with her boyfriend no doubt rallying the troops. My sister called to wish me a happy birthday. A few friends have sent facebook notes to say hello and "HB" Susan offered to buy me lunch, Shanna offered to take me to dinner, and Shantel whom I liked very much confused a nice textation for a bad one and told me to "Fuck Off". All before 11:00. Wanted a call from my mom but she'll do it later, she did send a facebook thing so it's all good. Dad and Mommers are enjoying her birthday too somewhere near the PCT where there are no phones so I will hear from them later. I am going to call Eli from Carmel Valley. It's been 20+ years since I've talked to him so it should be a phone call. I talked to Sonja from CV the other day, also some 20+ years ago. Life is weird. Ca. is calling me to return in so many ways. Maybe the LA marathon will shed yet more influence for my return or reveal the very reasons I left. Time will tell.

1-13-10	Right before my birthday! Jennie's latest email: Hello, I have been concerned about the duplex and have attempted to discuss the progress towards you securing a loan for the property, without much success. I am unsure where you are at with this financial process, and think that there should be steps being made towards you owning the property outright and taking over the mortgage as agreed upon. I was unsure what options I had, so I met with an attorney today to discuss the property. If you have any updates or progress you would like to share with me please feel free to do so. Thank you and have a good day. Jennie And my response: I quit school to find another job to raise my income to qualify for the loan and I just told you that information only a few weeks ago and you send me an email threatening me with your actions of visiting a attorney. You’re a piece of work. I intend on notifying your family and my family of your actions. Your words: I have been concerned about the duplex and have attempted to discuss the progress towards you securing a loan for the property, without much success. Last time we talked: I have quit school to secure another job because I didn’t qualify for a loan for the amount of the duplex. Your words: I am unsure where you are at with this financial process, and think that there should be steps being made towards you owning the property outright and taking over the mortgage as agreed upon. My opinion: The value of the loan exceeds the value of the duplex according to my estimates. The loan officer wants to make sure it is a sound deal and will not loan more money than the value of the real-estate. I have told you over and over that I will do it when it is feasible and I can NOT make them loan me the money. It is my opinion that if my name was NOT on the duplex you would have sold it or given it away as you have exemplarily shown with my other belongings and that you have a reason for being so unwilling to wait until I can resolve the issue. Why you continually threaten, or pressure me into doing something I am unable to do is really starting to change the very nature of these exchanges. My interest in the duplex is becoming less and less apealing. Your actions have already stripped me of my family, personal belongings, and ended a hopeful marriage. Yes I want you to be happy, and yes with someone else is fine. I have nothing to do with you any longer and want you to leave us alone. Please do NOT send threats to my email or my children. If you want to handle this in an ugly fashion I can NOT promise to keep all the frustrations you have thrust on me, to myself. I have tried to be understanding and purchase the duplex even though it is completely upside down financially. If you harass me further I will be compelled to bill you for half of the maintenance and upkeep regarding the duplex. Another thought is I simply walk away and make no payments at all after all you deserve far worse for what you have done to me and my family. I mean 10 years thrown away because you’re not happy and want to be with someone else? Your actions explain a lot. What about my girls you raised, who can just walk away from 10 years with two beautiful girls w/o so much as an “I miss you”? The damage you did to my daughters with your carelessness will never be fixed. I have the luxury of putting it all back together, living as a single parent, destroying what was left of my heart after you agreed to “work on it” in therapy and I haven’t even gotten started yet. Your lucky I am the man I am because many men would have beat his ass for stepping in my house with my wife, many men would have thrown your ass out in the street and burned your clothes, many men would have made it absolutely clear what you’ve done. Be very glad I have NOT lost control of my emotions. I want this done as soon as possible too. I want to get on with life and never to feel the pressure from a person like you again. You’ve screwed me and my family, you’ve destroyed all that I loved in our marriage, you’ve given away my personal life to strangers, you’ve tried to tell me how to live even after we are divorced and now you want to hassle me about doing you a favor and to hurry me up and to buy an overpriced piece of land with a dilapidated duplex that needs thousands of dollars of work? You have some nerve. Have your attorney call me if you’re so inclined. Make me mad and see how well this works out or shut the hell up and let me take care of it so we can both walk away with fewer headaches. Knowing you well enough means I know this email will only fuel your hatred further and you will become personal and choose to fight it out. You’ve shown no sign of just letting go even though you asked for the divorce so I can’t wait to see what you do next. You pissed off X husband, Brendon Why would any person want another person in a position where they have nothing left to loose? Isn't that dangerous? If you feel like all is lost, with nothing left to loose, and another person did it to you, then you may have only hatred, anger and plenty of free time. One might think that they could do anything with that freedom!

1-11-MMX	So here it is. Beautiful place to visit that is now on my bucket list.

1-8-MMX	Just 6 days and I will be 39! I feel 40 already after I tally up all the baggage. 2 kids, 2 X-wives, 2 house and a duplex, wrecked a bunch of cars (never hurt anyone), crashed a motorcycle and my nuts, some travel, some drugs, some mysteries, some life. You know when people say, "If i could do it all over again, I'd do it the same." I am not one of those people. I would change a few things. I would let my children know I love them more, I would have thought of them more, I would have cared my for my second wife and less for my first, I would have less of a negative impact on our planet, traveled more, kept less, given more. I know not profoundly insightful but this is where I am now. Oh and I made a new compost barrel here's the video.

1/6/MMX

1-6-MMX

1-5-MMX	My inspiration to move myself http://www.basaltthrift.com/ContactUs.html

1-1-MMX	Wow it's over and another year in the past. Like another relationship, used car, bad job or old shirt it's just time to move on. Did you see the party in New York? I want to take my kids to see that in person next year. Training for the marathon is going along, not super, but just going. Shantel and I are no more and probably for the good. I need to be with myself for a while w/o distractions. New year ideas to come, Jan finish solar air heater for Grandma Kate, Feb construct solar water heater, compost (both barrel and worm bin) area, March run Marathon and look into classes again at RCC. April run Pear Blossom 10 mile and go for MY fastest time ever, May complete home loan for duplex, June 12 (!!!) have an alcoholic beverage. Those are just a few things I want to get done this year and many more to come. To all of you and your families, I wish you a prosperous and adventurous year. Do something challenging, test your will, be uncomfortable once a month, and think about God, family and love.

12-21-09	Can you believe it! 4 days until Christmas? Time is flying by. Good thing because my sobriety trip is getting old. Can't wait until June! Today is gorgeous and clear but a little cold. Let's play in the snow today. Going to try something new and difficult on wed. can't wait. Well I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas time and spending it with family or friends. You never know when they are gone so spend it with them now.
12-18-09
12-16-09	Just finished what might be the best work out ever. Not the typical heavy workout "and now I feel tired but great", no, this is far better. I feel smarter and faster and stronger. I ran a smart run today matched only by strength I didn't know I had. I ran swift and direct like a very finely tuned machine. A machine with adaptability and flexibility to adjust the tempo smartly drawing more strength and longevity out of me from places I never knew existed. Today I am empowered by my training. Today I rule in more ways then yesterday. Thank God for endorphins. (Shantel watch out)
12-7-09	Wow it's been a month! So a few things. The sequel has completely changed into someone else. She actually believes I wanted the divorce. My daughter has a vivid memory of me on my knees begging Jennie to help me fix it. I only remember saying over and over "I will do anything you want to save this marriage. Anything." I also remember staying true to her requests the best I could and then she gave away all my stuff. So I now know why she behaved so strange. She locked things up, requested keys and garage door openers, and did drive bi's because she never had any intension of ever being friendly. In fact she wanted to try to get out of the marriage very quickly with no regard to the effects on my children's lives or her own. She wanted to get single as quickly as possible. Then ironically she had another boyfreind under three months. I thought about it long and hard "How does someone go 10 years with the same person and then three months after a break-up find love?" The answer surprised me and shouldn't have. She was never really into it. Maybe in the beginning but not at all towards the end. I mean I wasn't perfect or even nice. I had my addictions and they were feuled by the marriage but I had them never the less. But what she did have and will never have again, was me. I was all hers. I wanted her so badly. I wanted to fix our marriage at all cost's. I wanted her close to me like we were in the begainning. I wanted her sexually. She was the most beautifull woman I ever knew and her kisses made me melt. I would get head rushes and loose my balance kissing that woman. I now know I had it in me to love her the way she needed, but I didn't do it in time, or she wasn't patient enough. Either way, I will most certainly give my deepest part of me away to someone who wants it again. She hurt me bad but didn't destroy me. Jennie Shave I will always love you. Jennie Gibson I wish you well. Gosh I love running. Clarity is good too. Crystal I miss you and your family. I am gald surgery went well but you have got to take a break from w.o.w. So New Years? Oh and take a look at this great photo I shot for Thanksgiving! Oh and this one too. Filled with Big Sur elites. Just added!
11-02-09	To care for anyone else enough to make their problems one's own, is ever the beginning of one's real ethical development.
10-29-09	Today I discovered just how bad my divorce has affected me. I am completely broken down with nothing left to loose. It’s unbelievable how I trusted someone so much. How hazardous it was to me and my family. Rippling through everything, I am unable to protect my children, myself or even my possessions. I will never again trust anyone that much. Nice work Jennie. You managed to get the absolute best of me hands down. You win and I concede. Strangely I still wish you well and happiness in whatever you do. I hope you never experience this or hurt anyone like this. I will be much more careful with my life and cherish it with a greater sense of importance. My heart will be stronger; my relationships will be forged with greater significance, my children will be on their own, my goals will not be my own, and they must be spiritual with intent and purpose with a core of endurance flexible enough to grow beyond the bonds of traditional unions. Non-habitual and self empowered with a thirst for education and the knowledge to use it, she will love, learn and live. We will share.
10-19-09	Yesterday my daughter dropped a bomb on me before going to bed and then I had to study for a math quiz in the morning with that on my mind and tonight before my communications quiz in the morning she now tells me she is moving out to her mom's. Boy so much for family values. That would make every woman I have ever known has walked out. Must be me I guess. Even in the middle of change, I am still loosing those near me who are important to me. God is just putting me in a better place to choose Him. I am full of pain, and hurt. I will keep going and put my chin up. I will NOT do the same as I have done, I will do things differently.
10-15-09	Your call today was just what I needed. I like a pat on the back like anyone else might but yours was well placed. I find confidence within but your assurance was helpful. I like that you listen well and are attentive when we speak together. Hearing you offer your guidance gives me some to think about. I remember our walk on the beach. Not the one when you stole flip flops, but the other walk, the other beach. You were my best friend at that moment. Just like today.

10-14-09	Any person who embraces a new paradigm, at an early stage, must often do so in defiance of the evidence provided by the problem solving.

	Long Beach Marathon 3 hours 38 minutes About 20 minutes faster than his last time! That's not all Omar's hair - it's a thingmabob to hold his hair back from his face while he's running :o) Tony is one week shy of 6 months old now!

10-11-09	Today I found my life scattered like trash by someone I once loved. Today I was hurt, broken, fragile and small. It felt like hate and I felt like a victim. My pain gave way to anger, my anger gave way to growth. I will never know why she did the things she did. I will one day know myself, and will one day love again. Goodbyes are tough, I've had enough, growth is rough.

10-09-09	She is just that. Still. Simple. Pretty. If only I could have recognized these things before. I want her to be happy. Seperate from me.

10-6-09	Next big adventure: The L.A. Marathon!

10-6-09	Finished the Portland Marathon in 4:59:49! Crazy time for no training. By far my worst time ever. Also my best time ever with NO training. Most I ran was 2 training runs of 11 miles each about 3 weeks before the race. So Now things change a little for me and I will rest for a week and start again for Vegas. Then L.A. in March.

9-30-09

9-30-09	Eventually, if there isn’t deep integrity and fundamental character strength, the challenges of life will cause true intentions to rise to the surface and human relationship failure will replace short-term success. ISBN-13: 978-0-7432-6951-3

9-28-09	It's just after midnight on the first day of fall term. Class starts at 9 am and I am still wide awake. Also a small schedule problem has appeared with regards to the Portland Marathon. The newest developement: Mikayla's window has been bolted shut. (long story I will tell another time)

9-24-09	Just got into another disagreement with my daughter. Kids today have no phone etiquette. It should be tought in class at high school. I love my french friends who stayed with me. Thank you Pierre Tricoire and Stéphanie Gouret. J'aime mes amis français qui sont restés avec moi. Merci Pierre et Stéphanie Tricoire Gouret.

9-23-09	I am stronger than I originally considered. The time is now to fill those gaps left by years of neglect.

9-21-09	Getting ready for school again. It's exciting. Work, school, kids, and trainning for portland marathon leaves little time for anything else.

9-20-09	Todays goal was to get through it:Success Additional things, knowing now that it wasn't all me feels better. Hurting for months because I couldn't figure it out, was natural. Knowing you were with him before the marriage was over explains so much. Be well Jennie and I wish you good luck.

9-19-09	Learning to be a man.

9-17-09	Currently recalibrating my character Realizing now I wasn't ready to be a husband either time.